I am somewhere between bored and depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I have a ton of things to do, but sitting inside all day in front of a computer drives me batty. I know, I’m supposed to take frequent breaks, get outside, and all that jazz. I’m just frustrated and need to vent somewhere, so this is my rant for today. I’m sure you’re jazzed that I’m writing a rant for my first post in a while. (uh huh…don’t lie…you can leave now and I’ll still be your friend…I promise.)
Some thoughts…I need to drink more water. This is the problem with me and water, though, drinking water makes me need to get up every half hour or so. Remembering to drink water is another issue. I know I need to drink more water, but it’s really a problem for me. What’s worse is that for the next month-ish, I need to do a lot of studying and having to pee all the time is really not helping that endeavor. (I wanted to spell that with a “u” and be all British.) If I’m out studying, which is how I do my best studying, having to pee entails either believing that the stranger that I ask won’t steal my things (including my computer) while I’m in the bathroom or packing up and hauling everything to the restroom and potentially losing my table. You see why I’m having a problem with water. My ideal situation is to go out studying with a friend I won’t talk to and then being able to get up when I really do have to pee. This however has not traditionally worked out so well. Sigh.
Moving on…I’ve also been having issues with sleep. (I’m sure you anticipated this when I started in about the water.) I’m stressed and probably anxious so I’m up late messing around and not being productive. Today is a case in point. I went to sleep late last night and tried to force myself to get up early. I felt isolated all day, so took a break to take a walk to grab some coffee thinking this would help me concentrate. The coffee was mediocre and I fidgeted all day long without any real progress. I’m also eating way too much chocolate. I clearly need to stop.
Speaking of chocolate, I think I’m on an extended sugar binge that began with having a few non-paleo days back at the beginning of the month. From the fruit and honey in yogurt all the way to my latest chocolate binge, I really need to stop. I’m sure that all this sugar is really not helping me at all.
I’ve been having some digestive issues of late, which I’m not sure where it’s coming from. Back in the day, I would eat some rice gruel for a while to calm things down, but I have no rice in my apartment. So, that’s not going to happen. Not to mention that at this point having been grain free for a few months, I’m just not really all that interested.
I also know that I’m in desperate need of more exercise. My trainer went renegade and now trains people at home, which is all great and all except my apartment is not very large and the floor is terribly sensitive. Sneeze at it and it’ll get a scratch or dent. Gotta love cheap construction. So, in the process, I also stopped going to the gym I was at because there really is no point. I do have a standing date for afternoons at the park with a friend, which is good, but not enough. I also seem to lack the interest in actually exercising. Blah.
I don’t know who came up with this modern lifestyle of electronics, inside-ness, sitting all day, and productivity, but it stinks. It’s terrible. I hate it and it’s really not my style. I know I should change my life and all that, but I’m just really annoyed at some of the hoops and ways that I have to get to where I’m trying to go. What’s worse is that what I’m seeing makes me less and less inclined to want to join the professional tribe that I’m training for. Big Sigh. (Yes, I capitalized that “s.”)
I know what I need to do (for most of the things I’m ranting about), but with the boredom, the isolation from social interaction, and well, not really wanting to learn what I am supposed to be learning, I’m just having a hard time taking a big breath and starting over. If I don’t start off my day right, things usually get worse and not better. Thus, I think that tucking in early tonight is probably my best bet for breaking out of this funk.
If you got all the way down here, I thank you for your compassion and for “listening.” I’m going to go and take a deep breath and try and calm down to sleep. Hopefully, I can come back with something more interesting. I did make a paleo pizza of sorts if you want to go and check that out. That’s the best that I’ve got for you.